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Larry the Cable Guy Quotes
By: The Working Man

Git-R-Done as Larry the Cable guy would say. Larry the Cable
Guys jokes are silly, strange and often racist, egotistical and
dirty. The character Larry the Cable Guy is a bias character that
is based on the worst traits of a southern red neck. And as bad
as the character is, what he says all too often has a ring of

Here are some jokes that Larry the Cable Guy often uses in his
acts. And "I don't care who you are, that's funny right there."


- That made me madder than a legless Ethiopian watchin' a
doughnut roll down a hill.

- Lord, I apologize for that one there, and please be with all
the starving Pygmies down there in New Guinea! Amen!

- I don't care who you are, that's funny right there. If you dont
think that's funny you can get the hell out of here.

- What the hell is this, Russia?

- That's Right.

- Do you believe that?

- My sister is covered in moles. We used to just call her
"Moley." Then she went down to the church and got herself saved.
Now we call her "Holy Moley."

- (on handicapped toilets) I believe the crippled stool is the
Cadillac of the poopin' stools.

- Let me ask some of these commie rag head carpet flying wicker
basket on the head balancing scumbags something! Why do you hate

- Remember when she had Tom Selleck on her program a while back?
She blind-sided Tom Selleck! He's a good fella, ain't never hurt
nobody, but he's in the NRA, so she hates that. She was like,
'Well, you're in the NRA. Let me tell you something, Tom: guns
kill people!' Do you believe she said that? On the Rosie O'Fat*ss
show! She looks right at him and says, 'Guns kill people!' Let me
tell you something: husbands that come home early kill people!
Alright? The gun was just sitting there! If guns kill people, I
can blame misspelled words on my pencil! Git-r-done!

- I once knew a gal named Vivian Welkner and she was a good
friend and I thought she needed to know, well, I love her.

- I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park! (from the film

- You don't always have to know where you are going, if you know
where you've been. (from the film Cars)

- I believe that Britney Spears should be one of Baskin Robbins'
31 flavors. Two scoops! (from "Rides Again")

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