Humor - The Common Tool Explained
By: The Working Man
The workshop can often be an intimidating place to the
uninitiated. It is full of tools that you may have no clue
what to do with. Here is a helpful list of common tools and
explanations for there use.
Humor about:
The Drill Press: This is a machine that is tall and upright.
It will suddenly snatch flat metal bar stock from your hands
so that it smacks you in the chest or other more sensitive
areas, while flinging your beer across the room. And it will
mostly likely also dent or destroy whatever project you had
previously been working on that you put in a "safe" place.
The Wire Wheel: This will clean the paint off of a bolt head
and then throw it somewhere under the workbench or some
other hard to get to place faster than a speeding bullet. It
will also take off a few layers of skin or polish your
gloves down to thin smoking suede faster than you can say
"Oh, S**t!"
The Electric Hand Drill: This machine is used to spin pop
rivets in a hole until the earth comes to an end. It will
also spin out of whatever hole and make a crazy pattern on
whatever you don't want marred faster than you can blink
your eyes.
The Skill Saw: This is a cutting tool that can be attached
to a cord that you will saw through. Don't think you won't
cause you will. It also comes in the portable battery
powered version that will cut a stud far too short for you
and then drop the end of the stud on your foot.
The Pliers: A tool used to round off bolt heads. Break screw
heads. And will help you to hit yourself in the head with
while trying to remove a stubborn nail. It will help you by
pinching the fragile uncalloused skin of your palm while you
clamp down on something and create a blood blister in the
process.
The Belt Sander: A sanding tool run on electricity that you
use for minor touch up jobs turning them into major
repainting jobs. It will also try to run away from you once
it's turned on and if you ever let go it will race to
whatever will make the most mess and knock it over in a
fascinating explosion of noise and debris.
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