If Chuck Norris Played Sports
By: The Working Man
The best of Chuck Norris One Liners, there's no doubt in
anyone's mind, Chuck himself wrote all of these, after
all, no one could do it any better than himself!
Kitty Kat on the Addams Family show was actually one
of Chuck Norris' pet cats. Chuck really liked Thing
and Cousin It.
Uncle Fester lost his hair when Chuck Norris
only threatened to roundhouse kick Lurch.
If Chuck Norris Ever Played Sports....
If Chuck Norris ever played NFL football, they would
soon run out of footballs on the kickoffs.
All Sports records would be held by Chuck Norris if
he took the time to play them. There would be no
need for the Olympics because Chuck would win all
the Gold Medals in all the categories.
The All Star players in the National Football League
once played a football game with Chuck Norris.
Chuck never got a fourth down, in fact every
first down Chuck had, he scored, then on the
ensuing kickoff he recovered a fumble every time
and scored again. No one could tackle Chuck.
After the first quarter the score was: Chuck Norris
720 - NFL All Stars 0. Chuck scored every 10 seconds
and went for the two point conversion every time.
No one has ever dared play football with him again.
Chuck Norris once entered a world class poker tournament.
He won every hand, despite the fact that he held
in his hand only 4 cards and 3 of those were a
Uno card, a get out of jail free Monopoly card,
and a Tarot card, the other card was an ace of spades.
Chuck Norris scored more points in one basketball
game than Michael Jordan has scored in his lifetime.
No one has ever dared play basketball with him again.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity - twice,
and then when he got bored, counted to infinity
three more times.
They let Chuck Norris play baseball one season, but
no pitcher ever dared throw a ball even close the plate,
still Chuck hit more home runs that season than
Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron and Willie Mays
ever hit in their careers.
No one has ever dared play baseball with him again.
Chuck Norris started a hockey team one time,
he was the only player on his team. Chuck roundhouse
kicked every NHL player and won the Stanley Cup
after playing every team only once, each game lasted
only 5 seconds. The heat generated from his kicks
melted the ice in every arena.
No one has ever dared play hockey with him again.
Chuck Norris once challenged Mark Spitz and
Michael Phelps to a swimming race, when Chuck
jumped in the water, all the water splashed out
of the pool.
It was later realized that when Chuck Norris falls
in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet.
Water gets Chuck Norris.
No one has ever dared swimming with him again.
They wanted Chuck Norris to play Tarzan instead of
Johnny Weissmuller but when he called all the animals
in the jungle, they all dropped dead from fear.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and
was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show
consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly,
waiting for the wheel to stop.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isnít lifting himself up,
heís pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough
Chuck Norris to go around.
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