Classic Chuck Norris Sayings
By: The Working Man
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a
spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, an un clothed Chuck Norris re-entered
the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a
temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed
it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair
does not grow on steel.
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman in the world once a
month. They bleed for a week as a result.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck
Norris out. It failed miserably.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped
out of a plane and punched the ground.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all
50 states in order to legally wear pants.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving
multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than
in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made
public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know
Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the
American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a
roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He
holds up the phone and money falls out.
There are no steroids in baseball, just players Chuck Norris
has breathed on.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the
French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually
alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants
will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The
Hell was That?"
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard
that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time,
and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over
the Pacific Ocean.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see
Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die
from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the
face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen,
axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes
it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video
game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused
him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch,"
Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his
movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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